Preterm Labor

It has been quite a week. Last Friday, at 20 weeks, I had spotting. We went to E.R and Dr's determined the "sac" was protruding. I went into surgery and they placed a cerclog on my cervix. Apparently, I have an incompetent cervix, meaning as the baby gettings bigger the cervix either thins to capacity or is to weak to sustain the pregnancy. Through surgery, they stitch it like a purse string to keep baby from making an early appearance. At about the 35 weeks they will remove the stitch.
Everything happened so fast, we didn't know what was going on and to confused and overwhelmed to appreciate the severity of my condition and reality this baby may not make it.
The 1st doctor told me they would induce labor and baby had no chance- a boy by the way. The only emotion I could process was anger because I didn't feel she gave us a choice or the baby a chance. I insisted on a 2nd opinion- my primary OB/GYN- who is amazing! Thank God he came in and did the surgery and gave baby a chance.
It's been a week and we are still in the "red zone", very much not out of the woods. However, chances of infection are extremely high during the 1st week after surgery and thank God, we've averted that.
I am now on bed rest to prevent my water from breaking. Which can happen at any moment without warning. If we can make it to at least 26 weeks- it is considered viable but long term health defects would be unknown. I saw my Dr. a few days ago and he was honest enough to tell me if I make it to 27 weeks, this will be a miracle because so far it has been.
I feel horrible I have been such a selfish, narcissistic, fool about this entire pregnancy, worried about my appearance and feeling a sense of shame and resentment. From one moment to the next, the reality set in, this baby, as are all, are miracles and I should be thankful and honored I have the chance to experience bringing (God willing) a being into this world.
Growing up, career and success was the emphasis, being a mother was a nuisance and a sign of weakness. In one split second, I have realized what a bunch of crap that is and there is not a single material item I have or anything I have accomplished that is even remotely as signficant, important or special than my husband and unborn baby. Just last week, I was losing sleep over my business, that being my only focus. Now, I can honestly care less. My phone is off and e-mails with subject "important" or "911" are ignored. Nothing is more important than this baby and husband.
However tedious it is to lay in bed 24 hours/day, every minute that passes is a success and every day that passes has been worth my achy back and my moments of despair. My days are no longer wasted on "things" that don't contribute positively to my life- these days, everyday that passes with nothing happening is a success and has been an incredible day!

We found out how many....

Just got back from Dr's appoint. for U/S..... there's one heart beat! I feel relieved, thought we were going to hear any. At the same time I was pretty sure there was 2. So I got to thinking that would be cool- 2 for 1, we can have our instant family and we'll be done. So, in a way, (I hate to say it) feel a little dissappointed there weren't 2- I think my husband does to, he would never say it. He just said "I was kinda of already getting attached to the lil' guys"... Happens for a reason. At least there was a little heart beat. Next u/s in 2 weeks.....

YIKES!~ Spotting :(

I started spotting today and completly freaked out. Has anyone experience this with IVF. The nurse at our clinic said it was very normal and considering my HCG #'s (6030) I should not worry- easy for her to say. Has anyone experience this? I have my ultrasound appoint on Mon. and am so anxious to know what is going on.

We got the results!!!

Well, I had 2 blood test, one on Monday, the other on Wensday- this one was the determiner. Posititive!!! I am officially pregnant. I think I'm still in shock. My husband is gitty this exitement and I try to match his mood so wont think I'm not excited. I think it's going to take me awhile for all this to register. All my life I've never really had much interest in reproducing, so switching gears may take awhile. I'm sure once I see the first sonogram of a little being inside me, things will change. I swear, I have maternal instincts, my pets are my babies and treat them as such. I guess this is why God gives us 9 months to adjust to this life changing experience. The entire scientific experience has been very fascinating though. Well on 10/23 we will find out if 1 or 2 embryos stuck.

Transfer complete....still in pain :(

Well, transfer was on Tuesday 09/25, it went well. We transfered 2. So I have been laying down since then BUT my ovaries haven't recovered from the retrieval. Looking forward to walking upright soon.
For some reason my doctor thought I was 25 and was adament about only transfering 1. He said "if you were 35 and over I would recommend 2..." Under normal circumstances I would have let him believe I was 25 BUT I had to remind him of my "real" age- darm! That instantly changed his mind. Well see if my body thinks it's 25.
Thanks for the well wishes. Monday 10/01 we have our first preg test then another on Wed at which point we should find out if these babies (literally & figuratively) stuck. This is such a weird experience, I have NEVER imagined myself #1 pregnant #2 going through such extremes to get pregnant #3 possibly being a mother- very surreal.
Bye for now!

Eggs Retrieved

Well, it has been an interesting last few days. On Thursday 9/20 I went in for the egg retrieval and they were able to get 37 eggs. Turns out that's a bigger deal than I thought- no one was really making a big deal so I thought it was normal-it's not. Anywho, felt crappy all day and have since- my belly is very bloated and I am uncomfortable. I guess that's just the beginning. They let me know 24 embryos have formed and now it's day 3 and we were suppose to have the transfer done today but they want to wait until day 5 for quality purposes. I'm still in a state of shock I think because I don't really feel anything. I'm happy everything turned out ok and that we got so many embryos but I don't think the entire situation has really hit me yet.
I talk to my sister about everything and a couple of good friends but I don't want to say anything until we know for sure- I'm super private.
My husband on the the other hand, tells his family every single detail- yes, I'm talking TMI. So I don't really want to see any of them because I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone that I don't choose to talk to about this- he's upset that I don't sit and blab about this to his mom & dad. Beside, they will somehow find a way to segue my situation to something they want to spend the next hour talking about. Sorry, must be the hormones :)

Hyperstimulated Ovaries?

So, we are on cycle day 9, Sunday 09/16. I went in on Friday to get my blood drawn and turns out I am producing many follicles. For each follicle an egg will be produced. I had to go in yesterday, Saturday and be checked- ultra sound- I guess I am over producing- around 20 or so follicles [eggs]. I have no idea what this means, whether it could potentially be a problem when it's time for retrieval or if my eggs will mature to early and throw the entire schedule off, I don't know. At this point, I am moody, can't think straight, forgettful, and I'm tired of getting 3 injections a day along with having my "parts" looked at daily. If I see stir up's (not pants but, I guess those to) again in my life time it will be to soon.
Anywho, I'm going in tomorrow for more inspection. YAY.
Can anyone out there feel my pain- literally and figuratively speaking? I'm very frustrated!